Praetoria Nightclub – Odessa

Ok, it’s 2009 and your converted Delorean is parked outside with a brand new “flux capacitor” ably fitted by Doc Brown.  McFly is sat in the drivers seat and the passenger seat is beckoning…….yes, you’ve guessed it……it’s time to go Back To The Future……well at least musically we’re going to rewind to the 1980’s/90’s.

Not quite far enough back in time and brush down those crushed velour trousers……mmmmm……Agnetha Fältskog, Huba-Huba!!!!!

…….ABBA……showing my bloody age I know,  but Agnetha, you would….wouldn’t you?…..Admit it!!!!

………I digress, I know, but it was worth it!!

Anyway, we are not traveling back musically to Waterloo……..but to the 1980’s and 1990’s. 

Yes my “big haired” and “ruffled shirted” New Romantics, Nutty Boys and Girls, it’s time to break the glass and release “DJ’s Smashy and Nicey”……we are talking Adam And The Ants, The Cure, Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Bananarama, The Specials, Bad Manners, Aha, Wham and all those other musicians which made you kick off your shoes and dance around your handbag whilst slipping vodka into your Coke under the table when no-one was looking…….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk08Zb6oyf8

BIG HAIR……as the clip has now reminded you.  How many CFC’s did we pump into the atmosphere through multiple cans of hairspray…….just to look like we had been pulled through a hedge backwards???

Anyway, for those of you still hungover from the 80’s and 90’s Praetoria is your “hair of the dog” musically.  It can be found on Lanzeronovskaya and is generally open from 1600 until the last person leaves…….probably assisted by the paramedics having indulged in the following with Buster Bloodvessel one too many times…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVIXraaqXPU

Can you tell I’m wandering off down Memory Lane in this blog…..I’ve just found Madness on You Tube as well!!

What?…….Oh gone on then, you sweat talking bugger……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJOLwy7un3U

…….Ok enough reminiscing…….. back to the Praetoria……

I forgot to say……it’s not open on Mondays……and in the summer months it has been known to relocate to it’s alternative premises over in Arcadia…..well Arcadia is the summer nightclub scene Grand Central in Odessa!!

The food is good and the premises comfortable and relaxing.  It is also a place where a few expats can be found…..obviously of an age that would remember the music and not the “trance crowd”…..who probably remember very little from yesterday, let alone the 80’s and 90’s!!

So, give this place a try, you may well find some English speaking expats here, the food is good and the music…..well I think I’ve said enough about that.

What?…….You’re joking!!…….You’re not?……You really are a sad puppy aren’t you!!!…….Ok, Ok…..Bananarama just for you…….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDrKm6OzSCM

………..You really are a sad, sad puppy!!!!

Indigenous Nasty Critters & Creepy Crawlies – Odessa & Ukraine

Well, someone asked, so I will answer…….as any good guide to a foreign land would.

I will start with the list of deadly animals and insects to be found here………..

…………….Ok – so not that many to remember then.

There are, however, some indigenous species which will cause you a little discomfort should you happen to annoy them.  They are the Common, or European Adder or Viper……as found in the UK…..and it is a poisonous snake but it will not kill you unless you are particularly unlucky and are one of the very small number of people on the planet that has a severe allergic reaction to it’s venom.  The rest of us will be fine.

I have only seen this snake here once in over 3 years and that was when walking the dogs, way off the beaten track in some local woods.  They are not exactly an “in your face” reptile.  My father-in-law, who is 55, has never seen this snake in Ukraine himself………so that should put your mind at rest.

Well, that is the potentially worst encounter with the wild life you will have here dealt with………..or so you would think.

Obviously, with the number of wild ownerless dogs running about, rabies is in Ukraine…..and although the dogs do run around in “packs” here, I have yet to see them attack anyone…..or even feel threatened by them myself.  Generally these dogs, although homeless, are fed by the Babooshka’s with scraps and are very people and traffic aware.

Your chances of meeting the Hound of The Baskerville’s is extremely small.

Obviously Ukraine still has a bear and wolf population but as yet I have yet to see a report on TV of them entering the cities………too much chance of ending up as a coat I suspect.

Now, it is said……and I don’t know this for a fact……that although not indigenous, the Black Widow spider has managed to survive in the southern parts of Ukraine, mostly in the mountainous regions of Crimea and the other generally warm southern areas of Ukraine……..like Odessa……not that I have ever seen one here…..or heard of anyone seeing one here…..but there have been several reports from Crimea.

Still, not an insect easily mistaken for any other eh?………but again, unless you are a particularly unlucky individual…..it is not likely to kill you.

That’s it, list over……..although, Ukraine, like Russia went through a stage of people keeping the most bizarre and dangerous pets in the mid 1990’s……for about a decade…..you know, I’m talking about people keeping tigers in their 49 square meter apartment, or fully grown crocodiles, poisonous spiders, various endangered species…..which anywhere else, their possession would mean you were jailed…..so whether any escaped and have successfully bred and survived is anyone’s guess……..but again no local fables, no TV or newspaper reports, so probably not.

…………..Ahhh, before I leave this subject, I forgot my biggest “bug-bare”……which although are malaria free……really piss me off…….

…….I guarantee you, from 2 million people, the last surviving mosquito will find me!!!!!!