Archive for June, 2009


Ukraine Crime Statistics…….Now You Don’t Need To Keep Asking Me “How Safe Is Ukraine?”

June 30, 2009

Well dear readers……..I am occasionally asked by those afraid of their own shadow…… safe is Ukraine?

Here is your answer……

If you play around on the site in the link…… can compare your own nation to Ukraine……..and decide for yourself.



Just Remember…..The Boss Is The Boss Until You Have Your Last Pay Check

June 29, 2009

Well dear readers……..some of you will have on occasion been sacked, bulleted, given the good news etc etc by your employer during your life time.

You may have felt it completely unwarranted……..and thought of retribution…….like putting a dead fish behind the dashboard of you bosses Mercedes…….or having a crap inside the HR Manager’s handbag……..or worse!!

Veng 1

This of course if human nature…….no, not shitting in woman’s handbags you weirdo…….the need for vengeance and retribution if you feel you have been wronged……but there is a British saying that vengeance is a dish best served cold.  This is especially true if you intend to try and claim against your former employer for wrongful dismissal, outstanding monies etc etc.

Veng 2

This post is about 2 women called Anfisa Sizhuk and Anzhelika Shemyakina who worked for Deco-Line in Vladivostok……..that’s a bloody cold bit of Russia, if you don’t know where it is.

Well, during the financial crisis, these women were “given the good news” and found they had much more time on their hands than they had before. 

Veng 3

Both had been employed as office managers……how many do you need?…….but had, according to their boss, Konstantin Lyalikov, spent more time surfing the net and chatting than actually doing any work…….sounds like every office manager and HR department I have ever seen to be fair. 

HR at it's best!

HR at it's best!

Anyway, the ladies decided that… they no longer had a job……they would attempt to get outstanding holiday pay…….and Russians and Ukrainians get a lot of holidays!!!

The company refused so the ladies took their issue to the Russian Labour authorities……who eventually ruled in their favour.

Happy ladies…….the last laugh was with them…..retribution was theirs…….or so they thought.

The company agreed to pay quite a substantial sum to the women…….and promptly delivered it……..on the back of a truck!!

Eh?……..I know what you’re thinking…….they must have either been paid an amazing salary or been owed for holidays going back decades!

Veng 5

Anyway, each woman received 33 sacks full of money, weighing around 20kgs each…….unfortunately for the ladies, the vast majority of the money inside was in 5 Kopek coins…….which are almost completely f*cking useless in Russia……although legal tender……..and worth, well, a tiny percentage of a US Cent and therefore absolutely nothing against a UK penny.

Mr Lyalikov stated “The girls wanted a lot of money, and they got it.  What difference does it make what sort of units it came in?”……..Now like I said, vengeance is a dish best served cold!!

Veng 6


Ukraine Bans Porn………But Doesn’t Define It

June 28, 2009

Well dear readers, I was going to put up an interesting and in no way sexually orientated post today…….but, this is my 200th post in this blog and I am 443 readers short of 10,000 since it started. 

For some reason it would be kind of nice to finish today with 10,000 readers from 200 posts……..and nothing seems to get hits like the subjects of sex, drugs and rock n roll!!


I would therefore like to thank each and every one of you which has taken the time to read the complete and utter sh*t I spew forth on a daily basis.  I would also like to take this opportunity to tell you all to get out a bit more!!

Going back to the post title…..and my blog hits……it is therefore timely, that Ukraine this week adopted a law banning pornography……..Enter the Thought Police/Morality Police in what the “West” is calling the most liberal and democratic FSU nation……FFS.


So, as normal, a half-arse piece of legislation comes out of the RADA banning pornography…….but not defining it.

Previous existing laws relating to pornography related to those who produced or distributed pornography…….but this law relates to possession.  The only thing clear is that the punishment ranges from 850 UAH to 3 years in a Ukrainian gulag.

So how does the existing laws describe pornography?………..

“Pornography is vulgar, candid, cynical, obscene depiction of sexual acts, pursuing no other goal, the explicit demonstration of genitals, unethical elements of the sexual act, sexual perversions, realistic sketches that do not meet moral criteria and offend honor and dignity of the human by inciting low instincts.”

Well, dear readers…….what meets my “moral criteria” and what offends “my honour and dignity” is probably not the same as what offends yours.  What exactly is a “low instinct”?


All of what that says is exceptionally open to personal interpretation…….and in a country with a law enforcement and judiciary which runs on “pay off and bribe culture”…… could become the case where possession of a photograph of tits on my computer would make me a criminal…….even if the tits were emailed to me in an unsolicited email……as possession is possession and when someone wants a bribe or pay-off…….there is no point trying to argue the fact you have no idea who the sender was and that it is in fact junk/spam mail.


The Justice Ministry have defended the law by stating they are combating Child Pornography……and quite rightly too…….but even the most tin-pot, piss poor, numb-nut can define what is and is not a child by definition in law, either simply by age or mental ability, or both.

It shows the standard of both the politicians and judiciary that a law set out to tighten up child pornography laws (a laudable concept) has ended up in a complete ban on possessing any form of pornography……..including I have to assume, a picture of my wife’s tits……..not that I have any……..but in theory possession of such a picture would be a crime. 

No That Is Not The Wife - Wrong Hair Colour!!

No That Is Not The Wife - Wrong Hair Colour!!

Of course, if you possess a picture of my wife’s tits……..that is a crime……even if it is not a crime…… have been warned!!

The law has yet to be signed onto the statute books by the President…..and hopefully the man will actually veto it and sent it back to parliament to address what it was supposed to do……tighten up laws on Child Pornography…..if of course he signs it, he should expect almost every museum and art gallery in Ukraine to be shut, the banning of exhibits from other cultures etc etc……..because they all show tits.  Some works of art show arses too…..OMG.  There are even some which show things very similar in looks to a badly packed kebab……but were last week considered art and viewed with admiration by the masses……….where as now they are criminal.

Better Pull The Building Down - It's Showing Naughty Things!!

Better Pull The Building Down - It's Showing Naughty Things!!

So what has the legislators who penned this piss poor piece of legislation have to say?……..

“If some people can’t realize their erotic ideas in other ways, let them keep porno films and magazines,”  ……which obviously does not in anyway reflect the law they have just written……..“Pornography is vulgar, candid, cynical, obscene depiction of sexual acts, pursuing no other goal, the explicit demonstration of genitals, unethical elements of the sexual act, sexual perversions, realistic sketches that do not meet moral criteria and offend honor and dignity of the human by inciting low instincts.”

Perhaps we should ban sex completely… a cause and effect kind of way…..because if pictures or films of sex are criminal, then surely actually doing it yourself must be much, much worse!!


No wonder this country is f*cked up……even simple legislation isn’t simple to the brain dead politicians here!!

Maybe this law should be classed as pornography……after all it is a completed f*cked in full view of the public.


Pretty Russian Athletes……..As Requested…….You Pervy People!!!

June 27, 2009

Well, dear readers, as requested yesterday……..and something which will no doubt be a hit on the search engines…….you pervy bunch……a few pics of some of Russia’s sexy top female athletes……and yes, I know some people think that Maria Sharapova looks like my wife!!!!

Aleksandra Kosteniuk

Aleksandra Kosteniuk

Alina Kabaeva

Alina Kabaeva

Anastasia Ermakova & Anastasia Davydova

Anastasia Ermakova & Anastasia Davydova

Elena Dementieva

Elena Dementieva

Elena Isinbaeva

Elena Isinbaeva

Katerina Gerboldt

Katerina Gerboldt

Maria Kirilenko

Maria Kirilenko

No....It's not my wife.....It's Maria Sharapova

No....It's not my wife.....It's Maria Sharapova

Tatiana Navka

Tatiana Navka

Ms Kournikova

Ms Kournikova


Now I bet you have to Google some of them to find out which sports they compete in……, you probably won’t bother…….pictures are enough for a percentage of my readers anyway!!


So Much Material Today…..You Choose What I Write About

June 26, 2009

Well, dear readers……with the untimely passing of Michael Jackson, it is unlikely I will receive my usual amount of readers… I have nothing to say about him which won’t be said by so many others.


So, today I was faced with a choice of posting about a Ukrainian ex-soviet dissident who is now a powerful political figure in Israel


…….a drunken guy at Kyiv Zoo who patted a Lion which subsequently bit off his hand……


with it being Wimbledon, a post on Russia’s sexy female athletes (not just tennis stars)……


complaints about not enough literature being printed in Ukrainian for Ukrainians…….


and a few more things as well.

Like I say, too much material today…, I will post tomorrow about the story which gets the most requests……either by comment or email…..unless something “headlining” happens in Ukraine today of course which would take priority.

….Over to you dear readers…….



I Don’t Know If It’s True…….But Only The Russians……..

June 25, 2009
Luxury yachts offer pirate hunting cruises

Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.

Pirate flag /Rex

Wealthy punters pay £3,500 per day to patrol the most dangerous waters in the world hoping to be attacked by raiders.

When attacked, they retaliate with grenade launchers, machine guns and rocket launchers, reports Austrian business paper Wirtschaftsblatt.

Passengers, who can pay an extra £5 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and £7 for 100 rounds of ammo, are also protected by a squad of ex special forces troops.

The yachts travel from Djibouti in Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya.

The ships deliberately cruise close to the coast at a speed of just five nautical miles in an attempt to attract the interest of pirates.

“They are worse than the pirates,” said Russian yachtsman Vladimir Mironov. “At least the pirates have the decency to take hostages, these people are just paying to commit murder,” he continued.


2 Reasonable Sized Drug Busts In 2 Months! – Who Said Russia And Ukraine Can’t Work Together?

June 24, 2009

On June 18, law enforcement agencies of the Commonwealth of Independent States detained 55 members of the international organized criminal grouping engaged in the illegal import of cocaine from Latin America to Ukraine, Internal Affairs Minister Yurii Lutsenko told the press.

The suspects delivered the drugs from Latin America through Saint-Petersburg (Moscow) and Minsk (Belarus).

Of 55 criminals, the enforcers detained 25 in Ukraine and at least 30 in Russia.

During the operation, the enforcers withdrew over seven kilos of cocaine and other drugs worth UAH 6.2 million.

They also withdrew four foreign guns, bullets, silencer, and jewelry.

The enforcers are currently settling the issue on the arrest of 18 apartments of suspects in Kyiv, Chernihiv, and Saint Petersburg.

As Ukrainian News earlier reported, on May 20, enforcers held a special operation and withdrew a lot of cocaine, amphetamine, and ecstasy worth UAH 500,000 in Mykolaiv region.


I don’t have much to add to that……unless you are wondering who make up the CIS.  They are Russia, Ukraine, Moldova and Belorussia.


Politics Is A Game Of Football (Soccer)……..Quite Literally!

June 23, 2009

Well dear readers, I’m so excited I could jump off a dolls house……nay…..I could rip a tissue!!!


Because Ukraine and Poland’s political elite have thrown down……and picked up the gauntlet…….of a football match between the national politicians!!

Political Football

I am not f*cking joking……..seriously…….

Ukrainian Vice Premier for European Integration Hryhoriy Nemyria disclosed this at a press conference on Friday, after a meeting of the Ukrainian-Polish inter-governmental commission on economic cooperation.

He said that this question had been raised during the consideration of Ukrainian-Polish cooperation in both countries’ preparations for hosting the UEFA EURO 2012 European Football Championship. Mr Nemyria noted that the date and venue for holding the match would be specified during Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk’s visit to Ukraine scheduled for late June or early July this year.

Well……..of course it will never happen……as Ukrainian politicians can’t agree on anything……a venue will never be agreed upon…..and neither will a date…..a little like the up and coming Presidential elections.

There will also never be a Manager or a Captain……without some in-fighting by the Captain to become Manager or the Manager continuously trying to put the Captain on the substitutes bench…….such is Ukrainian politics.


I wanna be Captian!!

I wanna be Captian!!


None of this even takes into account that Ukrainian politicians are not even familiar with a “level playing field”……or the fact they cry “Foul” every other minute!

Then there is the Ukrainian political will to consistently score “own goals”……..Poland will not even need to field a team and they will win through this fact alone.

You then, of course, will have half of the Ukrainian political side……change sides……if only to scupper the chances of Ukraine.

Political Football 2

There will also be disputes over who will do the commentary……as nobody likes to be blamed for Ukraine’s poor performance and everybody likes to point the finger of blame at every opportunity……so a neutral commentator would have to be found.

Political Football 3

Regardless of the result…..the score line would be challenged by the majority of the Ukrainian team…..even if Ukraine won….and of course the President would veto the result if he had bet on the other team… usual!!

It has been a very long time since I relished anything political in Ukraine……but really do hope that this goes ahead……oh the satire…..oh the comedy……oh the absolute joy of writing the post about that game.

Political Football 4

Eh?……..Yes, if it is to be open to the public……which would be a first in Ukrainian politics…….you can bet your arse I will be there, regardless of location!!!

political football 5

I am laughing so much at the thought of this……a bit of wee has come out!!


%d bloggers like this: