Cooking up weapons of war……..What do we have in Ukraine?

On a slightly lighter note……and being more certainly more spicey than anything in the “Women and Sexpat” category of this blog……have a read of this……

Associated Press GAUHATI, India (AP) — The Indian military has a new weapon against terrorism: the world’s hottest chili.

After conducting tests, the military has decided to use the thumb-sized “bhut jolokia,” or “ghost chili,” to make tear gas-like hand grenades to immobilize suspects, defense officials said Tuesday.

The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world’s spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India’s northeast for its taste, as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat.

It has more than 1,000,000 Scoville units, the scientific measurement of a chili’s spiciness. Classic Tabasco sauce ranges from 2,500 to 5,000 Scoville units, while jalapeno peppers measure anywhere from 2,500 to 8,000.

“The chili grenade has been found fit for use after trials in Indian defense laboratories, a fact confirmed by scientists at the Defense Research and Development Organization,” Col. R. Kalia, a defense spokesman in the northeastern state of Assam, told The Associated Press.

“This is definitely going to be an effective nontoxic weapon because its pungent smell can choke terrorists and force them out of their hide-outs,” R. B. Srivastava, the director of the Life Sciences Department at the New Delhi headquarters of the DRDO said.

Srivastava, who led a defense research laboratory in Assam, said trials are also on to produce bhut jolokia-based aerosol sprays to be used by women against attackers and for the police to control and disperse mobs.

Of course not to be out done by India, I am now experimenting on behalf of Ukraine, with the results of a soggy sharama, 3 day old green borsh, gallupsie and vareniki rammed through a blender on full power!

I will let you know how it goes…….of course.

Spuds!

Ukrainian companies importing potatoes from Saudi Arabia and Egypt
Ukrainian companies will boost imports of potatoes to cover a domestic deficit, UKRINFORM has reported, citing the Delo newspaper.

The main suppliers of potatoes are Egypt and Saudi Arabia. The ships with products from these countries are already at a Ukrainian port. The Ukrainian trade and economic mission in Egypt said that potatoes supplies were a project of private companies, rather than a state program. The average cost of Egyptian potatoes is three times higher than Ukrainian. Import companies said that potatoes supplies on the Ukrainian market would grow at least by a third this season.

Well, what can I say, a country bigger than France with the best agricultural land in Europe and once the bread basket of the USSR is……..importing potatoes!

How mismanaged can a country get?

(Oh and yes, it’s true…….the spuds from Egypt are labelled as such in the local supermarkets here in Odessa.)

A Potato Pancake Monument – That’s What You Need In A Financial Crisis!!

A monument to potato pancake has been opened in Korosten, Zhytomyr region during II World Festival of Potato Pancakes (deruny), Ukrainian News has learned from the press service of Zhytomyr city hall.

The monument is a basketful of potato pancakes erected on a pedestal of grey and red granite mined in the district of Korosten. As to Volodymyr Vyhovskyi, the first deputy mayor of Korosten, an artist from Korosten Volodymyr Kozyrenko created the monument.

Speaker of the Verkhovna Rada, Volodymyr Lytvyn, attended the feast to conduct the opening ceremony of the monument. The city hall press service says that they started raising funds from the residents of Korosten for building the monument as far back as last year.

Prime cost of the monument makes UAH 30,000, of them UAH 25,000 costs the monument itself and UAH 5,000 beautification.

They did not spend budget funds on the monument installation. More than 100 original recipes of potato pancakes were presented at the festival, during which the monument was opened. Delegations from Russia, Poland and many regions of Ukraine took part in the feast.

As Ukrainian News earlier reported, they baked a 118-kilogram potato pancake at first festival of potato pancakes in Korosten on September 27, 2008. It took them 100 kilograms of potatoes to cook this pancake. Having prepared the dish at a special recipe, they cut it into small pieces and handed to the guests for tasting. More than 5,000 people came to the festival last year.

Wonderful article from the Ukrainian News site – I don’t know which is funnier, the good use of funds in a country $16 billion and more in debt, or the fact that Vlodomyr Lytvyn turned out for yet another free lunch. 

Now I know why I love this country!!

Cabbaged? – Try Galubsi

Well, you know what it’s like……if they’re young they hate it, if they’re old they like it…….but it creates havoc with their intestinal gases, meaning an afternoon on the sofa with the occasional body tilt followed by a rasping fart….if you’re lucky…..or a wet one if your not……escaping on an all too frequent basis!!!

Yes, we’re talking CABBAGE!!!!!…………..Hang on, stay with me here.

This is not a blog about cabbages, you can read about Tony Blair and Gordon Brown anywhere….who are after all complete and utter cabbages…….we are talking about an Ukrainian ingredient which makes up another favourite of mine…..Galubsi.

Ok…….having found your favourite comedy Christmas pinny……put it on, because we are about to create something from cabbage that you will become addicted too.

For this recipe you will need, minced meat, rice, garlic, salt, pepper, carrot, a sprig or two of parsley, tomato puree and……..a cabbage!!!

Ok…….Now for the Rule of “P“.   What?……What’s the Rule of P?   Planning  and Preperation Prevents  Piss Poor Performance…….Ok, I will continue……

Finely slice the carrot and grind the garlic.  Now, boil the rice…..which ever rice you like the most…..until properly cooked.

Find a large bowl and throw in the cooked rice, raw sliced carrot, crushed garlic, uncooked mince meat, salt and pepper and your parsley……..and mix it up thoroughly.

Now place the whole cabbage into boiling water for about 7 minutes and then remove it.  At this point the cabbage still looks like when it left the ground…..other than the stripping of some leaves you maybe didn’t like the look of!

At this point you start to cut off the cabbage leaves.  Place one leaf flat and take a small amount of you mixture and place it in the centre.

Ok, so far, so good……..easy in fact.

Now we get to see who wraps the presents at Christmas…….and who just puts they’re finger on the paper when you are looking for the tape!!

Wrap the filler in the cabbage……so you end up with something looking like………

No, it’s Ok………I’ll wait, it takes a bit of practice to wrap it up……..and you will be making a lot of them.  I’ll go have a cuppa and a quick smoke while you get on with the rest.   No….I won’t smoke in the kitchen……just give me a shout when you’re done!

 

………..Hmmmm,

What?……..You’re ready?  Ok, I’m coming.

Ok…..very nice job.  Place them into a tray with high sides with no gaps in between. 

Ok……boil some water, squeeze in your tomato puree and mix it up……..so it looks like a very watery tomato soup…..and then pour it over your perfectly created raw Galubsi…….

Cook this for about 45 minutes……..no not boil it so hard that the cooker is covered in tomato puree you twat…..let it simmer for 45 minutes.

Ok……..that’s it.  Take them out, put them on a plate, cover them in cream, mayonnaise or ketchup…..or nothing at all…….and eat them whilst they’re hot!!

The only word of warning I can give about Galubsi, is that they are incredibly “more-ish”……….which will have obvious repercussions in the trouser department.

Hutorok Restaurant – Authentic Ukrainian Food – Odessa

There is very little to say about Hutorok other than is produces outstanding Ukrainian food.

It is located near Shevchenko Park in the City close to the sea.

The style of the restaurant is circa 1900 Ukraine and it’s sole purpose is to revive traditional Ukrainian cuisine.

It has a garden, summer terrace and several large dining rooms decorated as per 19th Century Ukraine and eating there in the summer particularly, is like eating at a party in a local Ukrainian village.

For those who enjoy live music you will be surprisedto find…..not traditional Ukrainian music in keeping with the restaurant……but the sounds Frank Sinatra and James Taylor wafting through the air.

What? …….Yes I know he’s dead.  I am not suggesting they have dug up Ol’ Blue Eyes, propped him up in a corner and made the old crooner work overtime……..well it would put you off your food anyway wouldn’t it…….No, they have singers there singing the songs made famous by these people…….OK!!!

Ukrainian Recipes – Vareniki

Ok, I have had a few requests for recipes for traditional Ukrainian food……and I don’t blame you, it’s bloody good “scran”!!!………So I have created a new Category……..and this is the first post…..

Now, when it comes to cooking, I am not Keith Floyd or Gordon Ramsay……although I do share certain character traits with both….like a loving of red wine and the ability to string together every single swear-word in the English language and make them form a sentence which actually makes sense to the listener…….but I will try to explain how to conjure up gastronomic miracles from basic ingredients in the Ukrainian style.

I will make a disclaimer at this point, by stating that it usually takes the human body 24 hours to turn food into shit……..but it normally takes me about 5 minutes when I am in the kitchen.!!

Anyway, the recipes and skills required will be written out for you to try……together with a few pictures so you can see what it should look like……picture….thousand words….and all that.

So, today’s Ukrainian food is a versatile and easy option to start with, called Vareniki.  I say versatile, as it can be both sweet or savoury, depending upon the filling and any sauce or cream you may want to dress it with…..but the assembly and cooking of it, regardless of the filling, is the same.

Ok, firstly you have to throw a few ingredients into a bowl and make the pastry.  This is white plain flour, an egg, a little vegetable oil and water and thrash it and beat it like you worst enemy until it takes on a consistency similar to that of builder’s putty.

 

You don’t know what builder’s putty is like?  Ok, it will  hold the shape you put it into, not stick to your hand but has much more consistency than bloody yogurt.

Then break it into little balls, about half the size of table tennis/ping pong balls and roll it flat to a thickness of 3 millimetres…….I know, a builder teaching you to cook is like a nun teaching you to pole dance……so drop me a comment if you try this and it comes out remotely edible!

You need to make a lot of these little round 3mm depth pastry discs. 

If you are going to fill them with potato, you will have to have already made mash potato (sprinkled with black pepper), if cabbage (also sprinkled with black pepper), then this too must be pre-cooked.  No other fillings must be pre-cooked including mince meat, cottage cheese or if you have a sweet tooth, no fruits are pre-cooked either…..like cherries for example…..although you obviously remove any stones or seeds!

You then take little balls of your filler, whatever it may be, and place it on your small pastry disc.  Fold the disc over and seal it by “nipping” the edges…….so that nothing can escape…….obviously.

You now, should have a half circle with a lump of filler in the centre…….I hope you have anyway.

You then make as many of these as you like.  I would suggest a number totaling one Vareniki per USD involved in the global financial bailout…….but I like Vareniki!!

You then place you Vareniki, regardless of filler, into boiling water for 8 – 10 minutes.

Now, depending upon your choice of filler, depends what you do next.

If you have chosen mash potato or cabbage for example, you then put your Vareniki into a frying pan containing oil and pre-fried onions and move it around the pan for around 5 minutes. 

Pour the contents of the pan into a bowl, add ketchup if you want to….although there is no requirement…..and eat it whilst it’s hot!!

If you filler was minced meat or cottage cheese, then place it into your frying pan with hot melted butter, again for 5 minutes and pour it all out into a bowl and eat it……..again ketchup is optional!!

If your filler was fruits….and we will stick with cherries as the example, remove them from the boiling water and place them on the table separately to “dry off” and go cold.  If you don’t put them out to dry separately they will stick together…..and look like they have been cooked by me!!

You then sprinkle them in sugar….it will stick to the Vareniki…….and pour over cream of your choice….which ever you like most…….ketchup in this case, although optional, is probably not advisable.

That’s it……Yeh, Ok I should stick to building but give it a try and let me know how it went.  If it turned out Ok, then I will give you more Ukrainian recipes to try!!!