Archive for March 17th, 2009


Riviera Beach – Odessa

March 17, 2009

The last of the “recognised” beaches in Odessa….although it has a huge coastline with many sections “un-named”….so you can always try and find that little secluded spot…..”try”, being the operative word.

Anyway, The Riviera Beach…this beach is not free.  It is a little further south from Arcadia beach and at $5 to lounge around in the sun, you are asking what do I get for my $5.

Bloody good question – It does have a very nice restaurant on the beach.

The beach is supposed to be cleaner….although I don’t know that any are particularly dirty but I am prepared to accept it is cleaner….if only to justify my $5 to myself!

The water is supposed to be cleaner…quite how they can say that when the same cargo tankers, yachts and speed boats go by,  all using the same sea, and on the same coastline, is just a little beyond my comprehension.


What you may get though, is a little more room to move on the beach itself….because many people will not want to pay $5 for the same sun!!


You will also find it occupied by the “richer” though not necessarily higher class Russian and Ukrainian.  Needless to say, this beach is full of rich and pretty people!

“Hot totty beach girly pic” coming up……….the one you were waiting for……..



Dolphin Beach, Odessa

March 17, 2009

This beach comes fairly well recommended by both locals and the “touristy people”.

It is just south from my favourite beach, Otrada.


The sand, sea and sun here are great…..I have to agree.

What no one tells you is Dolphin Beach is split between Dolphin Beach and Dolphin VIP….so none of you people wearing your noted handkerchief on your head, rolling up your trousers and getting trouser braces suntanned into lines across your back and shoulders, can have full access to the entire beach!! 

There are a number of restaurants, bars, kiosks and other sun-worshiper “must haves” here and the service is generally good….particularly in the VIP.

Generally a nice beach and pleasant way to spend a few hours in the sun.


No, no, no – I didn’t forget the “girly pic”.  It’s coming now (and there is only one more beach to come)……


I know what you’re asking, will the pics get better in the last one?…….read on!!


Otrada Beach Odessa

March 17, 2009

Otrada Beach is also known a Treasure Island by some…..though I have no idea why….as it is not an Island, you cannot see an Island and it doesn’t look like an Island….unless you count the continental block of Europe and Asia as a f*cking BIG Island!!!!

Anyway, Otrada is one on my favourite beaches……if I am forced to sit for the day on the sand waisting my life that is.  You can tire of looking at sun-bronzed beautiful women you know….well Ok, not for long I grant you, but you can!


So why is this one of my favourites?…..Because a short walk along the beach and you get to the Yacht Club, with restaurant, patio, and wonderful view.  This should not to be confused with the marina, as that is next to the Odessa Hotel.  The yachts, at least, give you something else to look at, even if for an hour or so.


There are also some beautiful buildings here, The Hotel Otrada being only one of many.  There are also numerous good restaurants to be found in the Otrada area.


Again, it is a case of sand, sea, sun, women (and men of course) but now you have the added bonus of watching drunken people fall from their yachts into the sea!!!


Oh, obviously, if you swim out far enough, look out for the occasional hazard from the  yachts, as if they sail like they drive here, there is every chance you will get hit!!

You will notice, dear readers, the “girly pic” has already been included……even though you probably didn’t read this far because you’ve already seen it!!!


Lanzheron Beach, Odessa

March 17, 2009

Situated at the end of Shevchenko Park…….no, there is not a park named after the footballer Andre Shevchenko, Shevchenko is a common surname here, is Lanzheron Beach.


The notable thing about this beach is that it is home to the dolphinarium on the lower left plateau of the beach.  The shows run Tuesday to Sunday at 11.30, 15.30 and 18.30.  On Saturday and Sunday there is an extra show entitled “The Romantic Show” at 2100.


“The Romantic Show????”…….featuring dolphins????…….oooh-errr Mrs, I’m not sure about that!!! 

Well, I haven’t seen the “Romantic Show”, so I don’t know if your sick fantasies are acted out by aquatic adult actors or not.  As far as I am concerned, if you’ve seen one dolphin throwing itself around a pool….well you’ve seen them all. 

Obviously, if you have kids, they’ll love it, but I would stick to the PG or Unclassified rating shows…..just in case!!

Anyway, more sun, sand, sea and kiosks for the sun-worshiper……and if you get bored then the Park Shevchenko is a very pleasant walk.

Sorry, yes, I forgot the “girly pic”.


Happy now?


Arcadia Beach – Odessa

March 17, 2009

Arcadia beach is probably the best known beach area in Odessa. This though, is down to the “summer nightclub and fairground scene” being fairly and squarely in the centre of the Arcadia beach zone. It has dedicated buses starting and stopping their routes from the entrance to the amusement park and beach area.


If you are a student of Greek mythology, then Arcadia means to you, the country of joy and happiness, the true place where heaven is on earth……….well this would be “bigging up” the Arcadia beach just a little too much, but it does have sand, sea, good weather, numerous bars, clubs, shops, loungers, umbrellas……and all the other sun worshiper requirements to hand……including the amusement park, for those unfortunate enough to have to bring the “little ankle biters” along, as well as many restaurants.  If you try the air rifle range, in order to hit the target, it is advised that you aim “slightly high” as the iron sights are not exactly “zeroed”…..well don’t want you to win the fluffy bunny now, do they!!

In fact, if you are of a certain age and/or disposition……and can get a hotel room or rent an apartment close by, during the summer, there would be no reason to leave the beach area at all……boring as that may sound to someone like me!!


This beach, is therefore, considering the nightclubs being here, full of the “young and beautiful people”…..many of whom seem to go from beach to club and then club to beach with nothing else in between!

Not much else to say about Arcadia beach, other than it gets very, very crowded.

What?…..Eh?….what do you mean, “no girly pic”? You think every blog about every beach in Odessa has to have a “girly pic”? Oh you do?…..or you’ll stop reading my blog…..hmmm, OK, just for you….


Well, it’s a pic with girls in it, so no trade description issues! Not good enough?…Ok, Ok….I will see what I can do for the next beach blog!


Thank God For The 20% Extra Free – Chkalovsky Nudist Beach, Odessa

March 17, 2009

Whilst writing this particular blog, the lyrics from a certain song by the Stanglers is going through my head for some reason……”Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches”……can’t think why!!

Ok, everywhere has a nudist beach doesn’t it…….. oh, doesn’t it? 

Well Odessa has one and Odessa’s nudist beach is called Chkalovsky….named indirectly after the  Soviet air force pilot.  I say indirectly, as the beach is named after the Chkalovsky Sanatorium nearby…..which is named after the said pilot……I know, I know, stop wittering and show us some pics.


Well……you didn’t think I was going to show any pics that are too “pervvy” did ya?

The nudist beach is not hard to find in Odessa and is situated near the Chkalovsky Sanatorium, like I say.  The sanatorium is on one of Odessa’s most beautiful and expensive old streets, called Fransuski Boulevard in the Arcadia region of Odessa.  Chkalovsky Nudist Beach is not Arcadia Beach, they are different and I will cover all the Odessa beaches in due course.

Anyway, hop off the bus on Fransuski Boulevard near the Chkalovsky Sanatorium and follow your……nose……down to the beach.  When you get there, the nudist fraternity normally colonise (if that is the right word), to the right side of the beach in, on and amongst the rocky area.

What do you mean how do I know?…..I just know…..Ok!!!


The temperatures in Odessa during the summer can reach +40 degrees and usually there is little sea breeze and constant clear blue skies for months on end……so at this point, you will be thankful for that 20% extra free in your suntan lotion bottle……well you are tanning 20% extra after all!!!

The nudist beach is devoid of the usual luxuries like bars, loungers and sports facilities and in effect offers sea, sun, rocks and nudity only.  If you want some luxury you will have to cover at least some of your “dangley bits” and walk further along the beach.

The nudist beach, as all nudist beaches are, is open to any age, shape and……….size, so if you think you are going to be surrounded by beautiful, slim, naked, Ukrainian and Russian lovelies, (and they will be there for sure….well nobody really likes to have “white bits” do they), you must also remember that in some cases, you will be given a severe and somewhat unpleasant reality check!!



Embassies and Consuls In Odessa

March 17, 2009

Although “every man and his dog has their Embassy and Consul in Kyiv, some of the more “forward thinking” nations…….so not my own nation then…….have also put Consuls in other cities throughout Ukraine.

In Odessa, the following Consuls can be found:

General Consulate of Bulgaria  in Odessa, Ukraine

9 Posmitnogo Street
Odessa, Ukraine 65062
tel: (8 048) 746 – 6554, 746 – 6558
fax: (8 048) 746 – 6548 
hours: 10.00 – 13.00      


General Consulate of Greece in Odessa, Ukraine

32 Preobrazhenska Street         
Odessa, Ukraine 
tel: (0482) 210 – 570, 210 – 503  
fax: (0482) 210 – 571 
hours: Monday – Friday 9.00 – 16.00 



Honorary Consulate of Kazakhstan  in Odessa, Ukraine

13 Raskidaylovskaya Street      
Odessa, Ukraine 
tel: (8 048) 731 – 2740


General Consulate of Russia in Odessa, Ukraine

7/9 Italiysky Boulevard          
Odessa, Ukraine  65012  
tel: (8 0482) 223 – 167, 222 – 857
fax: (8 0482) 428 – 857
hours: Monday – Friday: 9.00 – 18.00


General Consulate of Georgia in Odessa, Ukraine

30 L.Tolstogo Street 
Odessa, Ukraine  65045
tel: (048) 726 – 4727, 726 – 4729 
(048)  731 – 0695 


General Consulate of Republic Poland in Odessa, Ukraine

2/1 Uspenskaya Street 
Odessa, Ukraine  65014
tel: (048) 711 – 6055, 717 – 7100 

fax: (048)
711 – 6050, 717 -7133  


General Consulate of Republic Turkey in Odessa, Ukraine

10 Primorsky Boulevard 
Odessa, Ukraine 
tel: (0482) 347 – 231 


General Consulate of Romania in Odessa, Ukraine

31 Bazarnaya Street 
Odessa, Ukraine  65011
tel: (048) 724 – 0532, 223 – 475 
fax: (0482) 220 – 928 


Obviously, if you are a citizen of the USA, UK, Australia……..or any English speaking nation, then you have to “haul a*se” up to Kyiv, by way of a mind numbingly boring and featureless 4 hour drive (each way), 7 hour train journey (each way) or flight, at a rediculous cost (each way)………typical!!!


Finding An Apartment/House To Buy In Ukraine

March 17, 2009

Well, well, well!!  (Sigh…..No, not 3 holes in the ground.)  To my surprise I have had a few enquiries about buying apartments in Odessa and Kyiv after you good folks have read the blog “An Idiot’s Guide To Buying Property”……..or whatever I called it…….I’ve slept since then!!

You are all correct, there is no English website or on-line newspaper which will help you find what you are looking for.  The much talked about Aviso…..which is very good for telling you what is for sale, has no pictures (or not many) and is only available in Russian language.  For your information, there is another newspaper called the “Market”……..but again it is no help to you unless you can read Russian… for those who have contacted me there was no point in mentioning it really now, was there!!

I am working on a website (when I have the time) which will help you in your search for your apartment, house, land….which will be in English and available later in the year.  It will predominantly focus on Odessa………..and begrudgingly Kyiv. 

As with everything, choosing your apartment (or home of whatever description) comes down to location, location, location!!!

All “new build”……..or the vast majority of them, are sold as a “shell”……meaning you cannot just pick up your TV and sofa and move in, but will have to have the insides fitted out….that includes the kitchen and bathroom!!  When I say you buy the “shell”, I literally mean you buy the “shell”.

Do not worry about buying an “older” apartment.  As long as it is structurally sound (and I will tell you if it is…..or is not), 99% of the time, you will want what is fitted inside “ripping out” and refitting to a standard you would want at home….and a lot more electrical sockets!!! 

I start such a project either later this week (or next week) for an American chap who has an apartment in Odessa, although he is in LA, near the Primorski Steps………and have an Australian gent waiting for me (and my gang of little helpers) to do his in Odessa after that.  No, no, no…….it’s not that I can only do one at a time, I can do several at a time…’s just the “Aussie” is not here at the moment and wants to “walk it” with me before we start.  (As it happens, I am still finishing a house we built and are currently decorating, some I am not desperate for work………..although there is no such thing as too much work)…..and then there is my own to finish!!

Pending the development of the website, (name yet to be chosen, so ideas are welcome) in which I will only feature apartments/houses/land, in a good location or of exceptional value for money, (as well as some good commercial properties), you can of course, contact me via this blog.  When I say good location, I mean a good place in the city or near the beach (within 5 or 10 minutes walk “maximum,” if the beach is your driver).  I, (I say I, one of my little bilingual helpers) will assist you in finding what you are looking for and within your price range when you come here (for a fee……..but it will be worth it to have someone who can explain everything in English to you and is experienced in this line of work).

Of course, when you buy something and want an English speaking builder to do the “fit-out” I am, as the saying goes, “at your disposal”………..If you are the adventurous type though, I can recommend some experienced locals (but not many……as most have no qualifications, even if they have experience of doing things the right way…….or in most cases, the wrong way) to you…..but you will need to pay for a translator of course…..and “keeping up to speed” when you are “back home” and your newly acquired apartment “refit” is on-going, by email with a Russian speaker may be somewhat of a challenge…..even with photographs!  Life is supposed to be an adventure though……isn’t it?

If you do go “local” my only free advice, is to ensure that any gas and electrical works are “signed off as being correct…..and registered as such” by the proper authorities, as $5 says they won’t be unless you insist on it with your builder!!………….You have been warned!!!

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