Archive for April 28th, 2009

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Corruption Can Be A Pain In The Arse!!!!!

April 28, 2009

As you know dear readers, having followed this blog from the start, in Ukraine it is about who you know, not what you know, when it comes to getting things done……..or you have to resort to paying bribes “administrative fees”.

…….What?……First time you’ve read this blog?…….Hmmmm, you’ve got some catching up to do then……..in fact, I’m not sure I want you to read it if you’re joining the other 2000 monthly readers only now!!

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Ok……..I accept it didn’t come up on your search engine before……..that’s a reasonable argument………because I know nothing about SEO.

Anyway, as my regular readers are aware……..I’m doing an apartment refurb in the city centre……..which is always fraught with danger when it comes to “officialdom” and “bribery”………makes me think of Depeche Mode’s song Everything Counts…….sing-a-long with me…….”Grabbing hands, grab all they can, all for themselves, after all, it’s a competitive world”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smja5QnFR9U

Anyway, I turn up to site today to find a “Prohibition Notice” on the door stating we can no longer work!!

Wtf?………..

The notice goes across the seal of the door, so there is not way of entering the apartment without breaking it………very CSI.

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Of course, the name of the city engineer is on the notice……….but no f*cking phone number or address…….so I spend most of the day, trekking around the ZHEK and DEZ trying to find this engineer………who I find out, not only put the seal over the door, but acted like Hitler towards my workmen and even threatened to have them taken away by the police!!

This, of course, is Ukraine, and even the Ukrainians don’t know their rights………….since when can you be arrested for working? 

Obviously working can be considered a crime in the UK, when there are all those lovely benefits available to you for sitting on your fat arse all day being “unemployed”, watching re-runs of Oprah and Jerry f*cking Springer………..thanking those stupid enough to actually work and pay taxes to support your 40 a day habit, fish & chip life style……….and not forgetting your every Thursday “half price booze night” at the wrongfully named “Working Man’s Club”……………considering you don’t f*cking work!!!

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So, my ill-informed workforce stop work……..let this twat seal the apartment with enough tape and stickers to make it look like a crime scene in which Vlad the f*cking Impailer had turned the entire population of Odessa into a kebab within the confines of the apartment……and are actually pleading with this jumped up City Engineer not to call the police and have them taken away!!!

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I eventually find the department this twat works for………but he’s not in………he’s out somewhere…….probably trying to f*ck someone else over……..but I get his mobile number.

I then telephone this clown and ask why I have a f*cking prohibition notice on the apartment. 

“Because you have extended the balcony and you don’t have permission”

“Get your f*cking arse back to the apartment I am working at now…………we’ll see who doesn’t have permission!!”

“You have permission?”

“Bet your life on it sunshine”

“Oh, Ok, you can take the notice down”

“No, no my friend………I know what you f*ckers are like…..I’ve been in Ukraine long enough to know that if I break the seal………permissions or not, then I am screwed………so get your arse back there and take it down because you put it up………before I phone a friend and you find that not only my guys are not f*cking working!!”

So I return to the apartment……..get the people next door to wait and witness who breaks the seal before we get back to work.

20 minutes later, what looks like a spotty little teenager comes waltzing up the stairs……..and my guys tell me it is the engineer.  He is maybe 5’4″ tall and 22 years old……at a push…….so he’s a PORG and obviously suffers from “little man syndrome”.  I am now expecting him to start with “I represent the Lolipop Guild, the Lolipop Guild, the Lolipop Guild”……….

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Eh?……….PORG is a Person Of Restricted Growth.

“Before you even f*cking start”…..says I……..”Since when have you had the power to get my people arrested for working?”………..No answer.

“How can you slap a prohibition notice on here when I have the documents allowing the work?”

“Nobody normally bothers”…….comes the reply.

“Well I f*cking have………and here the are!!”

Ok, you can work then……….and breaks the paper seals on the door and looks at me…………..and looks at me………and looks at me some more.

He is obviously waiting for me to show my “financial gratitude” for letting me work again, having now removed the seal.  The whole point of the seal in the first place, was of course, for me to show my “financial gratitude” by him allowing me to continue as he assumed I would not have the permissions to extend the balcony.

Eventually, I said, “That’s it?……..I can work now?”

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At this point he realised that nothing was coming his way……..and having all the documents necessary……..had to reluctantly agree I could.

I would dearly like to have made him pay for the lost time any money his little “stunt” had cost me……..but somethings are better left!!

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