Archive for April 17th, 2009

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The Unveiling Of An Enema!! – Tourist Attraction??

April 17, 2009

Well, it’s not quite a Damien Hurst, or a classic Micheal Angelo………but recently unveiled to the public in the city of Stavrolpol, Russia, is an 800 lbs solid bronze monument of………an enema!!

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No shit!!!!

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Odessa Beauty Tourism – You Should Come For The Mud……Apparently!!

April 17, 2009

Despite living here for many a year…….I learnt something new yesterday about Odessa.

Now I have known that Odessa has been a tourist location since “Adam was a lad” for the Slavic people………well, what choice is there, freeze your “knackers” off sunbathing on the coast of Vladivostok in  -40 temperatures……..or come and toast yourself in these here parts at +37 degrees………Exactly, bit of a “no brainer”.

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What?……..Yes I know these days you can bimble on down to Crimea, but historically you may have had the odd Crimean Tartar not being too pleased to see you………and therefore putting sand in your belly-button when you fell asleep on the beach………and laughing at you when you wondered why your naval looked like a moped headlamp because it didn’t tan…….so historically speaking Odessa was a better bet for a far more relaxed time!

Anyways…….you’re wanting to know what I learnt yesterday, that I didn’t know before.

Well, the world’s first ever commercial “mud resort” was called Kuyalnik……..which is about 13 kilometers outside Odessa City centre.  It is still there today……….and on 15th April……….is was 200 years old!!!  It is, unsurprising located on the banks of the Kuyalnik estuary.

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Eh?…………No, I don’t mean “mud resort” as in a holiday camp like Butlins build from bloody mud………sometimes I wonder if I am using words which are too long for you dear reader…..I really do!!  I appreciate you think Ukraine is a backwards, 3rd World nation…….but I am not sat in a community long house built from mud bricks and cow shit writing this post as seen on National Geographic in certain parts of Africa or the Brazilian Rain Forests……..No, honesty I’m not!!!

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No the mud I am referring too, is the mud people like to smear themselves in……..’cos is makes them beautiful and healthy……….apparently.

Yes……..it is like the stuff from the Dead Sea……..and is equal too, if not better than the Dead Sea Mud.

No, of course mud isn’t just mud……….Ask your wife, she spends hundreds of dollars a year to smother her face……and other bits……..in……mud.  Look I don’t want to cause a “domestic” but I can assure she does……..all right!!!

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Anyway, the mud at the Kuyalnik “Spa” is has a very high concentration of sulphide-silt, brine and mineral water and is well known for it’s “health qualities”………….well for anything to survive commercially in Ukraine for 200 years, it has to be well known, I can assure you!!

The Kuyalnik Spa was also Ukraine’s first……..and I quote……..”Reproductive Rehabilitation Ward”. 

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I know, me too……….obviously the mud reaches parts that other mud’s just can’t reach!!!

No, I don’t know how mud can rehabilitate reproductive issues………and yes, I too have visions of some poor lady with her feet in a stirrups and a nurse with a bucket of mud and a catapult trying to fire mud “up there” with sufficient force that it gets to where it needs to go…………but I’m fairly certain that isn’t the case.

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So what does this mud……..do……..exactly?

Well, it is known for it’s complex macro and micro-elements which are conducive for reducing inflammations, stimulating protective and adaptive reactions and renewing the functions of damaged organs and systems.  De-sedimented Kuyalnik Mineral Water is known for its healing qualities in gastro-intestinal tract diseases.

According to the local and national press here, a new “Spa-Kuyalnik Recreation Club” was……….ermmmm, “festively opened.”

A mud fight or a bit of wrestling, maybe??

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