Archive for April 4th, 2009

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Fashion – The Unfortunate Slavic Male!!

April 4, 2009

Whilst the Russian and Ukrainian women are without doubt some of the most beautiful and elegant creatures on earth……..ably supported by a multinational fashion industry in Odessa…….and yes they are from Odessa………

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……yes, I will put up another one of the ladies from Odessa……..

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………Ukrainian and Russian men do not seem to be so well catered for, although this maybe down to several reasons.

Firstly, it may be that the men here just don’t care…..as with considerably more women than men in Ukraine, it is still very easy to marry a woman with supermodel looks……even if you look like a bag of shit tied up in the middle……and I should know because I’ve done it!!! 

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Secondly, the fashion retailers certainly prioritise women…….who obviously want to look like $1,000,000 even if they are being cut free from a serious car accident.

Another reason could be that Ukrainian women, although they want their men to look clean and respectable…..for here it is seen as a reflection on the lady……they do not want them to be so attractive that they lose them to another younger, supermodel looking Ukrainian lady.

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What?…….I agree…….because I look like a bucket of smacked twats 90% of the time is not and should not be a reflection on my wife………who looks $1,000,000 all the time.  In England we would say “I don’t know what she sees in him……poor cow, having to live with him!”  Here, it is a reflection on her ability to look after me.

What?……..It’s a cultural thing.  When my wife and I first got together I was not allowed to do anything around the house at all……it was her job to look after me, she said.  Anyway, after years of imploring her that a relationship is not about “man and slave” and the fact that I had cleaned the kitchen did not mean that I wanted to leave her and I wasn’t happy but just wanted to help out, the scales of equity, responsibility and justice in our house have moved to a more balanced perspective……..although I do have to revert to “King-like” status if the Mother-In-Law comes round as she would be disapproving of her daughter allowing me to make my own food or cleaning the place.  Like I say, it is a cultural thing!!!

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Anyway, going back to fashion for men here in Ukraine……which is what I started to witter on about, there are several things which will be noticed by the foreigner immediately.

Firstly almost all men’s shoes are pointy…..very pointy……

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I have yet to find any shoes for men here which are not pointy……unless they are trainers like Nike or Adidas…..or sandals……..which we will come onto later.

Oh…….I forgot to say, pointy black shoes must be worn with dark blue jeans at all times.

The second thing you will notice is that many men carry around little black leather “handbags”…..rather than put things in their pockets or carry a brief case.

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This does not mean they are in any way effeminate or gay……in fact you may find they have a 9mm pistol inside the bag……so best to keep your thoughts to yourself and say nothing to be honest.

When talking about suits…..which you see very few of, even in banks, business meetings or at weddings…..for some bizarre reason, the Slavic male likes very shiny skin tight suits…..the result looking like something made of a blue tinged highly polished ball-baring which has been shrink-wrapped around them.

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……At this point I cannot defend them as the “designer label suits” are here in abundance, although 3 or 4 times the cost as the exact same ones I can buy in England…..which I will therefore allow to mitigate slightly, this complete and utter fashion disaster!!

Oh……..I mentioned sandals earlier, before I forget, the wearing of sandals is compulsory when the summer arrives…..regardless of what else you are wearing…….including your shiny blue shrink-wrapped suit.  You do have to ensure……..to guarantee looking a 24 carat twat……to wear socks as well.

Of course this “look” is enhanced when wearing shorts……together with socks pulled halfway up the calf and sandals……..to not wear socks makes you obviously foreign……..although it does stop you looking like a twat!!!!

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………you see, who said I don’t put up pics for the ladies……..I know you’ve all gone weak at the knees now!!!

What?……..You haven’t…….strangely my wife has just said to me, if I ever wear socks with sandals, she will have me shot…….and she knows people who would do it too!!!!!

So there we have the crux of the problem…..extremely pointy shoes must be worn when wearing dark blue jeans and carrying a small black leather handbag…….or extremely pointy shoes must be worn when wearing your blue metallic looking shiny shrink-wrapped suit and carrying your black leather handbag…….or sandals must be worn with socks in either your shiny blue metallic looking shrink-wrapped suit, dark blue jeans or shorts.

……..Any which way you look at it, there would appear to be a conspiracy between the Slavic women and the fashion designers to make all men here look like a TWAT!!!!!

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