Having already mentioned in several posts, the state of Ukrainian……and therefore Odessa is no exception……bureaucracy, and the fact it takes three people to generate 1 document………
…….Oh yes is does, one to type it, one to sign it and another to stamp it……none of which will do the job of the other…..even though they can…..
………today has taken things to a different level!!!!
What?……..Ok I will tell you.
Today, I had approximately 50 meters of structural balk steel arriving on site. The actual premises I am working on is in a gated courtyard on Ekaterinenskaya……and it is a beautiful place right at the top of Primorsky Steps.
Anyway, the courtyard if fronted by a bank…….who will remain nameless……. and they hold the key to the entrance to the courtyard……as their “Execs” park around the back and off the street. Residents owning property within the courtyard……whilst being grateful for the security……have to get someone from the bank to open the gates to allow them in and out.
So what’s my problem?………I know you’re asking.
Well, my truck arrives with various lengths of balk steel between 2.5 and 5 meters long…….but is not allowed in.
My “colourful” Russian at this point is kept in abeyance as I begin to negotiate with the bank to let in it.
“We can’t let it in, you are not a resident.”
“No, I am working for a resident who wants me to turn their existing shit hole into a work of art…….but to do that I…..and therefore the resident needs this structural steel fitting before I can do my thing.”
“Yes, but you are not a resident.”
“The resident is an American and he is in LA…..I am acting on his behalf and even paying his utility bills which are due whilst we are doing the work, my guys are sleeping in the apartment we are working on…..who much more f*cking resident do you want me to be on his f*cking behalf?”
……Err, yes, I am getting a little “testy” now, as not only is this obviously going to become a major problem with the bank……..but the truck is blocking the f*cking street whilst we have this conversation, causing a jam.
“Ok,” they said……..”but the truck still cannot come in.”
“Why the f*ck not?” say’s I.
“It’s not your truck and parking in the courtyard is for residents only”
“I know it’s not my truck, but he will only be 5 minutes to unload…….the truck has been blocking the f*cking traffic for longer than that already!!”
“Yes, but it’s not your truck”
At this point, obviously I am considering calling someone I know from the wrong side of the law to have the individual I am speaking to shot……..as you can understand.
“Ok” I said……..”Driver…..I want to buy your truck for 10 UAH…..and in 10 minutes you can buy it back from me for 1 UAH…….that way I own the f*cking truck and you can deliver the steel”
“Ok” says the driver……and the deed is done in front of the “Jobs-Worth”
“Right” I said…….”You have stated I am “resident” on behalf of the resident. You have just seen me buy the truck….so it’s now mine…….let him in!!!”
“But you don’t have a resident pass for it”
“Ok…..f*ck you Mr Jobs-Worth”…….”Driver – dump the steel where you are!!”
“You can’t do that.”
“I’m not…….the driver is……..dump the f*cking steel there mate and then you can get gone!”
Needing no encouragement to get off home, the back of the lorry tilts and out falls about about 15 tonnes of balk steel…….completely blocking the entrance to the gated community……half inside the gate and half in the street.
“Ok boys – time for a cuppa” I said.
“You can’t leave it there” I’m told.
“So you move it” I said……..”Apartment 11………when you’re ready”
“But……………”
“No f*cking but’s……we’re of for a cuppa………because when we come back we are going to have to carry 15 tonnes of f*cking steel an extra 250 meters because are a complete twat” I said.
Anyway, after the said “cuppa”………..we of course did have to move the steel…….the extra 250 meters and up 6 flights of stairs……..which ain’t easy when the resemble the staircase from Hogwarts………and 5 meter lengths of balk steel is f*cking heavy.
So………this is the reason for a very late blog……..which has everything and nothing to do with Odessa.
My arms are now like Garth’s…………sorry, Garth is an old comic strip from an English newspaper, with arms that made Schwarzenegger look like the playground wimp, even when Arnie was at his prime……..and they are now pumping like a weightlifter who has lifted 10 times his own body-weight in a single lift through “roid rage”!!!
Hopefully, tomorrow, I will post up something useful about Odessa to you dear reader……for that is why you read my blog after all.
What?……It’s not?……….You read it for the occasional pic of scantily clad ladies?………..Ok, just to keep you interested………
………Oh and sorry for the rant!!!
